The crusher of souls

I don't blog about my personal life very much because...well...it's personal. Race reports and bike stories are more my style. However, this week I did something I feel really bad about, and I thought that writing about it might make me feel a little better. If it doesn't, I'll probably go back and delete this once I realize I wrote a "personal life" story.

A few months ago my boyfriend and I ended our nearly 3-year relationship. It was difficult at the time as most breakups are, but it was an easy decision given how unhealthy our relationship had become. Despite us being good friends, it just wasn't working out. We gave each other our space to get over it and since then, haven't seen much of each other.

Last week I had to stop by the house to pick up some stuff and we ended up talking for a few hours. It was nice to see him again. We got together a few days later so I could pick up my spinning bike from the house and that's when things took a turn. We talked about getting back together and made plans for dinner and a show tonight. Why did I help the conversation along? I don't know. It's easy for me to forget the bad and remember the good. I got caught up thinking about all the great times we used to have and all the cool things about being together.

The next day I realized what I had done. He was all excited and happy thinking that we were back on and all I could think about was how this would never work. It's always been my belief that trying to get back together after a breakup is futile. Whatever issues drove you apart will generally always resurface. He's a great guy and will make someone very happy, but the two of us just can't go down that road together again. So I had to do the only thing I could think of doing, which was to cancel tonight's plans. Now I feel horrible, like a crusher of souls. Great job.