I fly out Sunday morning for Playa del Carmen and I'm so excited! I can't believe I'm actually going! Here's to Negra Modelo, margaritas, and sun! Maybe this will finally jump start my learning Spanish. I'll be posting some pics and updates while I'm down there, but at $.99/minute for phone calls, no one will be hearing from me.
¡Cuidate!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Peace at last. Now on to Mexico!
I feel like I'm finally at peace with a lot of things that have been happening lately, and it's a relief. The movers finally showed up and my mom is unpacking and settling in. My friend with terminal cancer visited Seattle and is now on her way to Alaska. She's always dreamed of going, so I'm happy that she's able to make the trip. My ex-boyfriend and I had a wonderful night of dinner, drinks, and conversation, and I finally resolved a great many unanswered questions. Maybe we'll be together again, but probably not. And you know what? That's ok, because there are a ton of awesome guys out there, and I enjoy the time I spend with him as friends.
I've had a chance to reacquaint myself with softball, do some mountain biking, and of course, have a few awesome crashes. I misjudged a skinny at the Colonnade Wednesday and crashed pretty hard. Shin armor has got to be the best invention ever, though unfortunately it didn't protect my butt.
Tiger was wet and slick as shit Thursday. I was bombing down a part of Iverson, probably having one of my best rides, when I hit a log at less than a 90-degree angle. It's amazing how quickly you hit the ground when you do something stupid like that. Again, armor is my friend, but I think my thigh and shoulder will be sore for a bit. A guy a little ways back rode up to make sure I was ok. We laughed for a bit, then rode the rest of the way out together. He was very cool, very nice, and hot to boot! We set up a "mountain biking date". How dorky eh? It's about time I hook up with one of these hot mountain bikers. Damn I love Tiger!
I'm counting down the days until I jet to Mexico -- woo! I leave Sunday morning for Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan. I'll be hitting Chichen Itza, Tulum, and a few other Mayan ruins as well as chilling on the beach, getting a tan, and checking out Cozumel. I've wanted to go for so long that I almost can't believe I'm doing it!
Things are settling, life is returning to normal, and it's awesome. I guess a few weeks off can do wonders eh?
I've had a chance to reacquaint myself with softball, do some mountain biking, and of course, have a few awesome crashes. I misjudged a skinny at the Colonnade Wednesday and crashed pretty hard. Shin armor has got to be the best invention ever, though unfortunately it didn't protect my butt.
Tiger was wet and slick as shit Thursday. I was bombing down a part of Iverson, probably having one of my best rides, when I hit a log at less than a 90-degree angle. It's amazing how quickly you hit the ground when you do something stupid like that. Again, armor is my friend, but I think my thigh and shoulder will be sore for a bit. A guy a little ways back rode up to make sure I was ok. We laughed for a bit, then rode the rest of the way out together. He was very cool, very nice, and hot to boot! We set up a "mountain biking date". How dorky eh? It's about time I hook up with one of these hot mountain bikers. Damn I love Tiger!
I'm counting down the days until I jet to Mexico -- woo! I leave Sunday morning for Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan. I'll be hitting Chichen Itza, Tulum, and a few other Mayan ruins as well as chilling on the beach, getting a tan, and checking out Cozumel. I've wanted to go for so long that I almost can't believe I'm doing it!
Things are settling, life is returning to normal, and it's awesome. I guess a few weeks off can do wonders eh?
Friday, May 16, 2008
My journey into the bell jar
I really haven't blogged much lately because I really only have one thought: wtf is up with the stars aligning against me lately? This might be a lengthy post, so unless you want gory details, just wait a day or two until I post a race report or something. Oh wait, I'm not racing :(
When I have drama, I don't do it on one level, I do it on ALL levels. Over the last few weeks I've had relationship craziness, family drama, friend crises, painful physical therapy, and work breakdowns. Awesome. Where do I even start?
I've learned lots of funny things about love and relationships over the past month. In my mind, I had built up my last relationship to be "the one". When it ended, it took me a long time to get over it. Just this week, over a year after breaking up, I found out that the person who I loved the most in my life never really loved me back. In fact, the entire three years we were together, he led me to believe he felt strongly about me when in fact, he never did. This is a tough pill to swallow, especially when you suddenly find yourself thinking that you are resurrecting the relationship. A good friend of mine said it best. "There's nothing like reopening old wounds and not being able to find a bandaid." How right he was.
There are many reasons I would still like for that relationship to work, but the honest truth is that it was unhealthy, and I have to constantly remind myself. I felt emotionally battered on nearly a daily basis and it continues to baffle me as to why I put myself in that position. There are times when he has treated me with little regard and done things he knew he should not have done. I'm a strong person, so I just can't understand why I would put myself in this position. I guess love is strange, but I deserve much better. It's difficult to cut ties completely because I enjoy having this person in my life. He's genuinely a good person who just needs to resolve a great many issues. At the very least, we're good friends, but it's difficult sometimes. We've set new boundaries, and I won't be taking a venture across them ever again.
In the friend space, I had a very close friend diagnosed with terminal cancer. She refuses to tell us what it is, but only says that she has very little time left. She's refusing treatment and just wants to relax and have a good time. Her attitude is absolutely amazing and I can't believe how positive someone in her position can be. She told me, "I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want to do anything crazy. I just want to be." My thoughts are with her.
Physical therapy is going well, but it's extremely painful and keeping me off the bike, and that doesn't make me a happy camper. I have my third treatment tomorrow and it's getting more bearable, but it's still pretty intense. I'm very excited for the results though, as already I have an increased range of motion and less weirdness in my knee. If I can start running again, f*** relationships, I'm golden! The Boston Marathon may actually start coming back on my radar, but I don't want to get too far ahead of myself yet.
Since PT is making things sore, I can't do but a light spin on the bike now, so I'm out for racing Wenatchee this weekend. I'm not even disappointed. Wenatchee was supposed to be my A-race this year, but I'm not in shape anyway. At this point, I'll be happy to make it to Methow in June and be in shape for crit season and cross. There is a mountain bike race this weekend, so maybe I can give that a go. We'll see how the leg feels this weekend.
All of the drama the last month came to a head and I woke up one day and thought, "I'm quitting my job. I'm quitting relationships. I'm quitting everything. I'm going to set my hours, work from home, do whatever, just relax and get away from stress everywhere." That idea manifested itself into an email to my boss saying I was resigning effective immediately. It felt great. Then a few hours later I freaked out. Yes, my job is stressful, but I really do enjoy it. I love the people I work with and I love the work I do. One of these days I would like to have my own business or something, but for now, this is good.
I talked with my work, who was nearly as shocked as I was about the email, and they are letting me take the rest of the month off, which is a welcome opportunity to detox, relax, and get myself together. I got the Ducati running last night, and took her out for a spin today in the beautiful weather. Motorcycles sure are therapeutic in wonderful ways. I'm not really sure what happened over the past few days, but I think I may have had a complete meltdown on many levels. It's really not like me. I'm always brave, confident, and sure of myself, and lately I've been doubtful, unconfident, and insecure. What's up with that?
I blame it on the relationship. For three years I dealt with crap that took me six months of therapy to get over. Then I tried to reopen it all. It's amazing how damaging that shit can be. Then lump on my friend's cancer, my mom moving here, the painful physical therapy, and doubt and insecurity about my ability to meet anyone cool and I guess it adds up to one big breakdown.
My therapy? I'm taking the rest of the month off and I booked that damn vacation I've been wanting to take forever. F*** the last boyfriend for rejecting my repeated offers of an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii. Who the hell would do that? I'm hitting Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan for 4 days of therapy, sun, lounging, and relaxation. I'm finally seeing Chichen Itza. I'm finally going to Mexico. I'm finally taking a trip all by myself to regain my confidence, security, and ability to kick some ass. I'm tired of postponing my plans waiting for that perfect guy to come along. And when I get back, my friend will be having the time of her life, I'll have an awesome time at work, and I'll meet the coolest guy in the world. Cha-ching!
When I have drama, I don't do it on one level, I do it on ALL levels. Over the last few weeks I've had relationship craziness, family drama, friend crises, painful physical therapy, and work breakdowns. Awesome. Where do I even start?
I've learned lots of funny things about love and relationships over the past month. In my mind, I had built up my last relationship to be "the one". When it ended, it took me a long time to get over it. Just this week, over a year after breaking up, I found out that the person who I loved the most in my life never really loved me back. In fact, the entire three years we were together, he led me to believe he felt strongly about me when in fact, he never did. This is a tough pill to swallow, especially when you suddenly find yourself thinking that you are resurrecting the relationship. A good friend of mine said it best. "There's nothing like reopening old wounds and not being able to find a bandaid." How right he was.
There are many reasons I would still like for that relationship to work, but the honest truth is that it was unhealthy, and I have to constantly remind myself. I felt emotionally battered on nearly a daily basis and it continues to baffle me as to why I put myself in that position. There are times when he has treated me with little regard and done things he knew he should not have done. I'm a strong person, so I just can't understand why I would put myself in this position. I guess love is strange, but I deserve much better. It's difficult to cut ties completely because I enjoy having this person in my life. He's genuinely a good person who just needs to resolve a great many issues. At the very least, we're good friends, but it's difficult sometimes. We've set new boundaries, and I won't be taking a venture across them ever again.
In the friend space, I had a very close friend diagnosed with terminal cancer. She refuses to tell us what it is, but only says that she has very little time left. She's refusing treatment and just wants to relax and have a good time. Her attitude is absolutely amazing and I can't believe how positive someone in her position can be. She told me, "I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want to do anything crazy. I just want to be." My thoughts are with her.
Physical therapy is going well, but it's extremely painful and keeping me off the bike, and that doesn't make me a happy camper. I have my third treatment tomorrow and it's getting more bearable, but it's still pretty intense. I'm very excited for the results though, as already I have an increased range of motion and less weirdness in my knee. If I can start running again, f*** relationships, I'm golden! The Boston Marathon may actually start coming back on my radar, but I don't want to get too far ahead of myself yet.
Since PT is making things sore, I can't do but a light spin on the bike now, so I'm out for racing Wenatchee this weekend. I'm not even disappointed. Wenatchee was supposed to be my A-race this year, but I'm not in shape anyway. At this point, I'll be happy to make it to Methow in June and be in shape for crit season and cross. There is a mountain bike race this weekend, so maybe I can give that a go. We'll see how the leg feels this weekend.
All of the drama the last month came to a head and I woke up one day and thought, "I'm quitting my job. I'm quitting relationships. I'm quitting everything. I'm going to set my hours, work from home, do whatever, just relax and get away from stress everywhere." That idea manifested itself into an email to my boss saying I was resigning effective immediately. It felt great. Then a few hours later I freaked out. Yes, my job is stressful, but I really do enjoy it. I love the people I work with and I love the work I do. One of these days I would like to have my own business or something, but for now, this is good.
I talked with my work, who was nearly as shocked as I was about the email, and they are letting me take the rest of the month off, which is a welcome opportunity to detox, relax, and get myself together. I got the Ducati running last night, and took her out for a spin today in the beautiful weather. Motorcycles sure are therapeutic in wonderful ways. I'm not really sure what happened over the past few days, but I think I may have had a complete meltdown on many levels. It's really not like me. I'm always brave, confident, and sure of myself, and lately I've been doubtful, unconfident, and insecure. What's up with that?
I blame it on the relationship. For three years I dealt with crap that took me six months of therapy to get over. Then I tried to reopen it all. It's amazing how damaging that shit can be. Then lump on my friend's cancer, my mom moving here, the painful physical therapy, and doubt and insecurity about my ability to meet anyone cool and I guess it adds up to one big breakdown.
My therapy? I'm taking the rest of the month off and I booked that damn vacation I've been wanting to take forever. F*** the last boyfriend for rejecting my repeated offers of an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii. Who the hell would do that? I'm hitting Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan for 4 days of therapy, sun, lounging, and relaxation. I'm finally seeing Chichen Itza. I'm finally going to Mexico. I'm finally taking a trip all by myself to regain my confidence, security, and ability to kick some ass. I'm tired of postponing my plans waiting for that perfect guy to come along. And when I get back, my friend will be having the time of her life, I'll have an awesome time at work, and I'll meet the coolest guy in the world. Cha-ching!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Here we go again
Today I had my first appointment at Therapeutic Associates. This is my third attempt at alleviating the ITBS I've endured for almost three years. This time for some reason, I feel confident it'll be resolved. I started seeing a new doctor at the UW Med Center who has much more aggressive treatment options. I had an MRI that only showed patellar tendonitis and a very inflammed IT band, so at least nothing else was horribly wrong. He's starting me on a 6-week PT program, and if I don't see improvement, then we'll move on to blood injections and some other things.
The PT today consisted of ASTYM, which was excruciating to say the least. The therapist basically "scraped" my entire right leg with plastic instruments. It is supposed to break up any scar tissue that has formed and encourage healing. It felt very bumpy and gravelly and areas over my IT band were the most painful. I do have some mild bruising tonight and my leg feels like it's been beaten by a 2x4. Good times.
Afterwards I got an ultrasound and a thorough icing. I also have a set of prescribed strengthening and stretching exercises that will aid in healing. The therapy will continue twice a week for the next few weeks. Even though it supposedly gets easier, I'm certainly not looking forward to the next time. I've since read a lot about ASTYM and it seems very productive, so I'm really stoked to see if this finally gets rid of the ITBS. Running again seems like a dream to me!
The PT today consisted of ASTYM, which was excruciating to say the least. The therapist basically "scraped" my entire right leg with plastic instruments. It is supposed to break up any scar tissue that has formed and encourage healing. It felt very bumpy and gravelly and areas over my IT band were the most painful. I do have some mild bruising tonight and my leg feels like it's been beaten by a 2x4. Good times.
Afterwards I got an ultrasound and a thorough icing. I also have a set of prescribed strengthening and stretching exercises that will aid in healing. The therapy will continue twice a week for the next few weeks. Even though it supposedly gets easier, I'm certainly not looking forward to the next time. I've since read a lot about ASTYM and it seems very productive, so I'm really stoked to see if this finally gets rid of the ITBS. Running again seems like a dream to me!
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I need a vacation!
I'm happy a long Memorial Day weekend is soon to come because it's been a crazy few weeks! My mom is accepting a job offer today, so she's really excited and it's great news for her. She'll be working in Bellevue about a half-mile from where I work, so now we can get together for lunch from time to time. She also found an apartment in Woodinville. Ironically, it's the same apartment complex I lived in when I first moved here 8 years ago.
Things are coming together for her and I know she's relieved. It's been very stressful for both of us to not have our own space and be living on couches and out of suitcases. The animal circus hasn't helped either! Hopefully she'll be moving into her new place in a few days and her furniture will be here soon.
Unfortunately I'm 0 for 2 on races lately. Sunday at 4am the fire alarm went off in my condo building and the Seattle Fire Department couldn't reset it. From 4am until shortly after 5 we were all sitting in the lobby, listening to fire alarms, and watching very hot firemen walk the hallways. One of the 3rd floor residents said, "Hey! Should we get Margaritas? Firemen party anyone?" The lack of sleep killed my Longbranch plans, so now I'm shooting to open up the road season with Ravensdale this Saturday. Third time is a charm, right?
Things are coming together for her and I know she's relieved. It's been very stressful for both of us to not have our own space and be living on couches and out of suitcases. The animal circus hasn't helped either! Hopefully she'll be moving into her new place in a few days and her furniture will be here soon.
Unfortunately I'm 0 for 2 on races lately. Sunday at 4am the fire alarm went off in my condo building and the Seattle Fire Department couldn't reset it. From 4am until shortly after 5 we were all sitting in the lobby, listening to fire alarms, and watching very hot firemen walk the hallways. One of the 3rd floor residents said, "Hey! Should we get Margaritas? Firemen party anyone?" The lack of sleep killed my Longbranch plans, so now I'm shooting to open up the road season with Ravensdale this Saturday. Third time is a charm, right?
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